When I was a little girl I always wondered why everyone else’s parents were present to cheer their kids on at our after school events when I had no one. I’d see parents happily hug their kids in excitement and congratulate them with so much affection. Every time I saw the crowd cheering for their kids, I couldn’t ignore the fact that I was alone. I’d beg for you to come watch me run, sing in the choir or compete in theater, but to no avail. So I created a loving space in my own mind and heart. As time went on, I grew resentful and took it as if you didn’t care. During those times, I couldn’t see you because I was clouded with hurt and disappointment. But Mama, as an adult, I can SEE you.
I see that you were only human trying your best to survive in a new country. I see that you were only 17 when you were forced to get married in a refugee camp in order to survive and escape a war torn country. I see that you lost your father during the war and never really healed from that deep loss. I see that you and Dad tried your best to bring both sides of the family to the US. I see that you constantly GIVE to your family even when it’s not appreciated. I see that you test the true meaning of unconditional love even though you constantly get burned. I see that you weren’t around at my school events because you were working insane hours to help pay the mortgage. I see that when you said “no” it really meant “we can’t afford it”. I see that when you became sick with kidney disease, you had to say goodbye to your independence which I know has been difficult on your strong spirit. I see that you showed love by keeping us alive as you learned to do as a survivor. I see that you’ve sacrificed your own life so that all five of your children could have a fighting chance in a new country. I see that a mother’s love knows no bounds and that rings so true with you.
Mama, I want to tell you that it’s OK. I’m happy, I’m healthy and I have survived! I’ve faced some tumultuous times in my life, but somehow I still made it through and it’s because of YOU. This stubborn, strong and confident apple didn’t fall too far from the tree of mom and it’s not stopping any time soon. Everything I have done has been to make you proud and know that your sacrifice wasn’t for nothing. So mama, don’t worry I got you now. Just let go and allow yourself to be HAPPY.